Archive | June 19, 2011

Rebuilding genuine sensuality

June 19, 2011

2 Comments

So lemme get this straight: You’re a New York Congressman and there’s talk of you running for mayor and you … uh …

I’ll rephrase: You’re a tweeting Congressman with a bulldog reputation, so you’re careful. You’re alert to snoops. Cyberspace eavesdroppers view dirt as gold and will blast it over the internet, so you …

One more try: Where is the line between “psychological malady” and “stupidity”? When can we abandon therapy’s stilted lingo and holler: “You gotta be kidding!”? Crawl out of your alpha male lair and feel reality’s slap while you yelp under the icy shower, ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner! Everyone knows women look at the whole man, not our isolated privates (which aren’t attractive in themselves); everyone knows they love roses, lilacs, fragrant cologne, Valentine’s Day cards, whispered sweet-nothings and little I-love-you gifts wrapped in a bow. They loathe narcissistic “pigs” who think they’re “studs.” Everyone knows that. Right?

Wrong. My recent in-depth research unveiled a scientifically-verified fact: Men are disgusting. And women are not far behind. Pack your bags, Cary Grant and Grace Kelley. Make room for Gene Simmons and Lindsay Lohan. The scandalized politician, for whom we pray as he seeks help, is more the rule than the exception because sensuality has been ripped from its foundation.

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