When the leviathans salivate over the city …

November 4, 2010

Culture, Satire

By Charles Redfern

NEW YORK: Panic-stricken, screaming crowds are fleeing knots of giant, merciless, bus-flinging pundits in the wake of Tuesday’s Republican Congressional landslide.   Bonneted Mothers wearing pleated dresses madly push strollers filled with wailing babies.  Some women, also adhering to an unspoken dress code mandating impractical attire, have tripped over sidewalk cracks and sit there, shrieking, apparently unable to walk in the face of the on-coming monsters.   

The pundits spread gloom and doom by sounding the death knell of the Democratic Party and the Obama administration.   These same behemoths invaded the city two years ago and pronounced Republican calamity: The GOP was too right-wing, too dominated by whites and unable to adjust itself to a society of altered values, demographics, and age groups.  “The Republicans will become irrelevant unless they get moderate,” say many.

Shift a few words and we’ve got mirror statements today: Roosevelt’s heirs are too left-wing and too dominated by big government theorists to adjust themselves to a society with traditional values and demographics.  “The Democrats will become irrelevant unless they get moderate,” say many.

The slashing pundits change analysis on the spot.  In 2008, Obama was “cool” and “rational.”  Today, those same qualities are described as “austere” and “distant.”  He was measured before; now he’s unengaged.  He was analytical before; now he lacks political instinct.  The Republicans were out of touch before, now they’ve got their fingers on the nation’s pulse.

These pundits are unhuman Goliaths – and we forget they wreck the buildings almost every election, twisting and over-interpreting and over-analyzing from time immemorial:  The Democratic Party was doomed after the failed Wilson administration – and then Wilson was deemed a great president.  Roosevelt killed the Republicans forever and Dewey killed the Democrats in his 1948 presidential bid – except he lost, which meant the Republicans faced Armageddon.   Eisenhower buried the Democrats and Johnson killed the GOP in the 1964 Goldwater debacle.  The Party was done, finished, bound for the Whig and Federalist graveyard.  And then came 1972 and McGovern.  The Democrats were fatally wounded relics – until Watergate, when the Whig and Federalist fate yawned before the Republicans once more.  The Reagan Revolution saved them and so did the sweeping, Earth-shaking Gingrich Revolution, which lasted a sum total of two minutes and three seconds.   Then there was 2008, and then this year.

And the pundits rampage once more:  The voters have sent a message: Health care? Kill it (never mind that surveys show voters like the individual items within the package).  Big government?  Slice and dice it (just not our programs).  Taxes?  Cut them (but please, balance the budget).   “America” wants this; “America” wants that; “America” wants this and that and that and this.  Let’s neglect the fact that younger voters stayed away from the polls this year, which made all the difference in the world. 

The pleated, tripped-up women shriek in the streets while the tanks gather and fire their shells, which bounce off the monster pundits like so many pebbles on steel.  It’s a terrible calamity.  All is bedlam.

Again.

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About Charles Redfern

Charles Redfern is a writer, activist, and clergyman living in Connecticut with his wife and family. He's currently writing two books, with more in his head.

View all posts by Charles Redfern

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